Being Present with the Moment Brings Me Peace

So...I'm not pregnant this month...hmmm....I was convinced I was pregnant and very shocked when I took the pregnancy test and it said "not pregnant"....then I thought, well maybe it's too soon, afterall, my period is due today...I will try again in a couple of days if my period doesn't show up, well....I took another test and it also said, "not pregnant"....hmmm...I guess I'm not pregnant, then my period arrived later that day.

I'm writing this one out because I don't want to forget this, I was very surprised by my feelings of actually "being relieved" that we weren't pregnant yet, though we are "actively" and "intentionally" trying to get pregnant...what's up with that?

So, I thought about it and I realized that I just really desired to be with my two boys, Caeden and Dash, for the moment and maybe a little while longer and to really be present with them and just enjoy them.

Also, part of my thinking of getting pregnant with our next child, baby number three, was the fact that we "plan" on adopting our fourth and fifth child after we have our third. So, in my head I was already on baby number four (hopefully a little girl from China), while I wasn't even yet pregnant with number three, it's like I skipped being present with number three hurrying to get to number four, and I was already trying to figure out where everyone was going to sleep, and how I better figure out how to get organized before baby number three arrives, let alone four and five or I'm sunk and I'm already getting a little overwhelmed. Sheesh! My self-induced insanity is exhausting to say the least.

Wow! I realized that I was so not living in the moment for NOW. Somewhere I just decided to run ahead in my head and hurry up and "work" my plan, especially because I'm getting older and we don't want to wait "too" long. (I'll be 40 next Monday...like that's some magical number.)

So, my feelings of relief were very welcome to my mind and brought much needed peace, they brought me back to the present moment of just "being" with where I am and breathing and letting go of my "plan". Whether we have more children or not, I'm truly grateful for where I am, we are, today. I am so RICH! I have two BEAUTIFUL boys with whom I'm deeply in love with and they are more than enough! And the other children will come when they are suppose to, but for right now I'm at peace and truly savoring absolutely every moment with Caeden and Dash.

Thank you boys for showing Mommy how to really live in the moment and to just be! I love you!