This is my heart - To adopt a child from China

A Shout Out to My WOMEN FRIENDS!

Women friends...wow! Oh the beauty and what a powerful force to be reckoned with! I just wanted to say how thankful I am to have the women friends I have in my life. What a beautiful gift you all are to me and to the world. I'm so thankful that after breaking into this new world of "mommy-hood" that I have also found new friends to connect with and share my heart with and I am learning how to "just be me" with them. Thank you all for the gift of being you, I appreciate and need you all!

Happy Thought...Thanks Mom!

The other day I was in Caeden's room with both the boys. I was playing with Dash on Caed's bed making sure he didn't fall off and Caeden was on the floor setting up his train tracks. Dash noticed some decorative pictures on the wall and was trying to get them off the wall, I then removed one so he could safely touch it and check it out. I told Dash that I painted these pictures for him and his brother before they were both born. I then pointed out the different things on the picture telling him what each thing was, then out of the blue I hear Caeden say something, at first I thought he said something about making his trains do something, and when I repeated it to him, he shook his head no and said it again, he said, "Thanks for making that Mom." And then I realized he was thanking me for painting the pictures for their wall. I was blown away by his sweetness and thoughtfulness to thank me for that. Wow! That comment went a long way for me that day. Small things and moments like that are the greatest treasures of my life. Thanks for being you Caeden! I love you! Mommy

Being Present with the Moment Brings Me Peace

So...I'm not pregnant this month...hmmm....I was convinced I was pregnant and very shocked when I took the pregnancy test and it said "not pregnant"....then I thought, well maybe it's too soon, afterall, my period is due today...I will try again in a couple of days if my period doesn't show up, well....I took another test and it also said, "not pregnant"....hmmm...I guess I'm not pregnant, then my period arrived later that day.

I'm writing this one out because I don't want to forget this, I was very surprised by my feelings of actually "being relieved" that we weren't pregnant yet, though we are "actively" and "intentionally" trying to get pregnant...what's up with that?

So, I thought about it and I realized that I just really desired to be with my two boys, Caeden and Dash, for the moment and maybe a little while longer and to really be present with them and just enjoy them.

Also, part of my thinking of getting pregnant with our next child, baby number three, was the fact that we "plan" on adopting our fourth and fifth child after we have our third. So, in my head I was already on baby number four (hopefully a little girl from China), while I wasn't even yet pregnant with number three, it's like I skipped being present with number three hurrying to get to number four, and I was already trying to figure out where everyone was going to sleep, and how I better figure out how to get organized before baby number three arrives, let alone four and five or I'm sunk and I'm already getting a little overwhelmed. Sheesh! My self-induced insanity is exhausting to say the least.

Wow! I realized that I was so not living in the moment for NOW. Somewhere I just decided to run ahead in my head and hurry up and "work" my plan, especially because I'm getting older and we don't want to wait "too" long. (I'll be 40 next Monday...like that's some magical number.)

So, my feelings of relief were very welcome to my mind and brought much needed peace, they brought me back to the present moment of just "being" with where I am and breathing and letting go of my "plan". Whether we have more children or not, I'm truly grateful for where I am, we are, today. I am so RICH! I have two BEAUTIFUL boys with whom I'm deeply in love with and they are more than enough! And the other children will come when they are suppose to, but for right now I'm at peace and truly savoring absolutely every moment with Caeden and Dash.

Thank you boys for showing Mommy how to really live in the moment and to just be! I love you!