So, it finally came to pass. I met my biological dad, Dennis, on Tuesday, October 14, 2008. All I can say is...Wow! What a day in my life. What an absolutely beautiful day in my life. What a gift and a dream come true!
Here is the background...My dad and my mom dated briefly when they were both stationed in Germany in the Army. They were both young and it was the 60's. So, I'm grateful for their brief and "accidental" pregnancy which became known as me. Out of fear, my dad chose not to be apart of our lives after I was born. (But I want to be clear that there is no judgment on my dad for what he did when he was 21, I too made some poor choices out of fear in my late teens and early 20's...who among us hasn't.) Not too long after I was born my mom and dad lost contact with each other, and we (my mom and me) have been looking for him for since I was 15 years old. My mom raised me and then she married when I was 3 years old and her husband, Bob, legally adopted me and became my dad. Thanks Dad for making me your own and being my dad...you will always and forever be my dad.
But for many years I've always wanted to know about my biological dad and what he was like. There was also just this "wanting" to know him in order to know more about me. So, after searching for years, I finally found him on June 7th, just 2 days before my 40th birthday...and almost a week before Father's Day. What a gift it was for both of us.
Dave made the phone call and low and behold it was really him. I could hardly believe it. I was in shock and elated all at the same time, with many happy tears flowing. It was a great initial phone call/contact and then we got a follow-up email about a month later from his new wife Kathleen that they wanted to fly to Texas to meet me and my family in October. I could hardly believe it. It was more than I had ever hoped for.
So, the day finally arrived, and Dave and I went to the hotel room of my dad and new step-mom Kathleen. I was so nervous and excited, what would it be like to finally meet my dad face-to-face...something I have only thought about for numerous years. Dave knocked on the door and there he was. And we hugged, and stared at each other with delight and awe. He was so warm and tender. I thought I would be crying but I didn't, I was shocked that it didn't become a big "boo-hoo" fest. I guess I did all of that before and got a lot of the hurt out of my system leaving room for only love. So, we all went out to dinner to the Cheesecake Factory and as we walked into the restaurant, my dad put his arm around my waist and we slowly walked inside together...there I was...arm in arm with my dad. All I can say was, WOW! It was the most amazing thing. We all enjoyed getting to know each other over dinner, it was a perfect initial meeting. We all then drove back to their hotel room and looked forward to the next morning when they would come over and meet the boys.
So, Wednesday morning came and they met the boys and they thought they were beautiful, we shared some photos and showed them our home. Then later that afternoon Dennis and I got our alone time. We went to a park and sat under the pavilion as it rained on and off and talked for about 2 1/2 hours. I got to share all that I ever wanted to share with him about my life. It was beautiful getting to know my dad and hearing and accepting and loving all of him. I thanked him for my life and also shared that he too was a part of how I "turned out" regardless of him not being physically present in my life. My journey and my life was beautiful and perfect...even the hard times and pain. After we were done talking he drove me back to the house and walked me inside to meet my mother-in-law Doris, but before we unlocked the front door to enter the house, I turned around and just hugged him and we hugged for the longest time and I cried and told him how much I loved him and he just hugged me back and kissed my cheek several times. What a precious moment I will forever treasure.
The next day we, Dave and I, joined them for breakfast and then they came over that afternoon to meet my mom, Jan. We (Dennis, Kathleen, my mom and me, and the boys) all sat on the back porch and talked for about 2 hours just enjoying getting to know each other and watching the boys play in the backyard. It was a beautiful moment in my life to actually have my mom and my dad sitting down talking to one another. Something they haven't done in over 40 years. It felt so natural and normal. What a gift the two of them gave each other and gave me. One of the other greatest moments was when Dennis got up to "pitch" a ball for Caeden to hit. That was very special. It was also, just the coolest thing getting to know more about my dad and his wife Kathleen. It was a very relaxed and sweet afternoon.
Then came Caeden's 3 year birthday party. They were there the entire time and seemed to enjoy themselves, and just watching Caeden play and enjoy his party. I remember looking up at my dad when Caeden was opening his presents and my dad was just watching me and Caeden. It was the coolest thing having him there, I so longed for him to be at one of my parties growing up. It was a huge gift to have him there for me and for Caeden. All I can say was...Wow! After all the guests left, we gave Caeden his Diego Bicycle that came from all of the grandparents and he hugged and thanked them all for it. We then took our first family photo with my dad and Kathleen.
Later that afternoon, they came over to say their goodbyes to the boys and me and Dave. Then that evening I went to their hotel room to bring my dad the photo album that I had made for him and a copy of the family photo we just took in a home-made picture frame that Caeden and I made. We sat in their room just talking for a little while and then my dad walked me downstairs to say good bye. We hugged and my eyes teared, he kissed my cheek and said I love you too. I got back in the Durango and drove home to my family and kissed my boys.
It was all so perfect, we only had a few little hiccups, and once I/we all surrendered our expectations it went even better. The amount of time was perfect, it was a perfect first initial visit, and they were awesome! The week was very real and very sureal for me. I see myself in him in some ways, and it was interesting to listen to and just watch him. It was fun finding out that I'm part Croatian and hearing about my relatives that I've never met. It was neat finding out that I have my dad's hands and nose and maybe even his ears. All of it was perfect and fun. Thank you God for the perfect timing of meeting my dad. What a gift!
My view and perspective of my life since his visit is how grateful I am for all of my journey and how I was raised and the ups and downs of my life. I'm grateful for my mom, Jan who was and is the best mom there could ever be and to my dad, Bob, thank you for all that you gave me in my life. You are so special and dear to me.
There is only forgiveness, love and acceptance for my biological dad, Dennis. I'm so grateful for him. We plan on keeping in contact and plan on future visits...so until next time. Thank you to you both (Dennis & Kathleen) for helping contribute to Caeden's 1st bike. Thank you Kathleen for loving my dad so beautifully...and thank you for the beautiful necklace you gave me, I will cherish it. What a gift you are to him and to our family. Thank you Dennis, my new dad, for the gift of you and your life! It meant the world to me that you made this trip to meet me and my/your family...and I love you! Your daughter, Michelle
